You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
