I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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