Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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