I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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