good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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