Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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