Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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