Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
