it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
