she looked like the before picture.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
