barbara walters just said penis...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
