Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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