Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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