i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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