i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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