this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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