you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
