Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
