i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
