It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
