I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
