U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
