There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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