i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
