At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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