As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
