Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
