I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Randomize
