ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
