Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
