i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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