sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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