he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
