Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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