i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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