I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
