No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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