she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
