my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
