Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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