Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
