Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
