Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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