I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Verdict: uncircumcised.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
