guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
