Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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