he wants to bone in the snuggie
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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