TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
