Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
