dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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