I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
