just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
