she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I will pee on everything he values.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
