My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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