Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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